Following the heart..

Though many think I’m crazy, I’ve made a decision to go BACK to what I thought I was done with. Its funny how a little time and distance makes things look different. All I’ve been saying is that life is short. My babies are growing so fast. In a heartbeat, my oldest has become a  young woman, on the verge of 18. In a single breath my second child is approaching the teen years. In a whisper, my baby is no longer a baby. For 13 years, I was a home daycare provider. It allowed me to be home and be a mommy to my young children. It was something I genuinely enjoyed doing. I can remember days when I laughed and said “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” About 5 years ago that began to change. My personal life became very dark and sad. I got divorced. I left the church. Everything I knew about life suddenly I didn’t know.I got into a very controlling relationship that brought on daily panic attacks and chronic pain. I lost a man who had been like a father and had been an integral part of my daycare for about 3 years. He was everyone’s ‘grampadave’ . I lost my best friend ( for awhile). My finances were a mess, I was overweight, my daughter was going through struggles. My son’s anxiety was peaking. My house was falling apart and I couldn’t fix it. All these things made it very difficult to get new kids, or to really put my heart into the daycare as I used to.

In the last two years, the tides began to shift. My best friend was back in my life, and now he is not only my best friend but also my love. My daycare closed itself, allowing me to move and to spend a year and a half at a great job with amazing people. It also allowed me the time and space needed to help my father after his heart attack and double bypass surgery.Now, with some sadness, I am leaving that job to come back home. I am reopening my daycare in our new home with a renewed vision of what it is I want to accomplish. My younger boys are ecstatic that I will be home again. My daughter is not thrilled, but I know that she wants me to be happy.

I know that life has risks, nothing is for certain, and what is right now might not be right in a year. Thing is, life IS short. Now is all we have. Be happy now. Love. Hug. Laugh. Breathe Deep. All is as it should be.

xo